Perfectly Hidden Depression by Margaret Robinson Rutherford

Author:Margaret Robinson Rutherford [Robinson Rutherford, Margaret]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Tags: severe depression, perfectly hidden depression, suicidality, perfectionism and depression, phd
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 2019-10-31T16:00:00+00:00

Stage 3:

Confront Your Rulebook

“I’m so Incredibly Hard on Myself”

We can as easily become a prisoner of so-called positive thinking as of negative thinking. It too can be confining, fragmented, inaccurate, illusory, and wrong.

—Jon Kabat-Zinn, author of Wherever You Go, There You Are

In this stage, Confrontation, you’ll use the skill of mindfulness as you grow in awareness of how rigidly you’ve followed certain rules. Think of it as living in a box. Rules that may have initially been necessary for your emotional survival—your “must do” and “never do” lists—have governed your life. They’ve created walls around you that have kept difficult emotions and memories out, while they’ve also kept you locked inside. Included in this third stage will be even more encouragement to be proactive, to put these ideas into play, and to begin to create a sense of choice in your life. The assignments may take more time and will need to be revisited as you expand your awareness, with each tweak of one creating change in the other. It’s a big undertaking, so take a deep, cleansing breath, take out your journal, and let’s get started.

Reflection 33: What Does It Feel Like to Be at This Point?

Take a few minutes to journal about what’s going on with your mind and heart as you take this next step. Say out loud, “Today I’m going to begin to challenge the way I think.” Now listen for the messages that your critical or self-doubting voice are whispering to you. Are they telling you, “This is too hard,” or, “It will disrupt your life too much”?

Notice the fear or the anxiety and try to refrain from fueling it with emotion. Check in with your fears and write down a reasonable, rational response, such as, “Yes, it’s hard. And I’ve done hard things before.” Or, “It’s likely to disrupt my life for a while, but I’m miserable the way I’m living now.”

You might want to recite your mantra again as you move ahead.

As mentioned before, it’s vital to remember that this stage is highly interwoven with your emotional states. It’s hard to separate the mental from the emotional, but for the sake of this book, we’ll attempt that task for clarity. The mental changes you’ll make will likely create fresh emotions and feelings of instability. And those very emotions are important clues. For now, please jot down these new emotional reactions or responses in your journal.

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